Let’s set the scene: You’re at dinner with a group of people. Some you know well. Others you’re just meeting for the first time. The conversation is initially normal and friendly, covering topics like work, hobbies, and kids. Inevitably, one gentleman can’t help but bring down the party by flashing his wealth.
For example, when you mention you’re taking your kids to Disney World, he tells you he’s been there two times already this year. When you talk about heading to the beach for the weekend, he has to tell you about the beach house he owns. If your spouse gave you a nice watch for your birthday, he’s got to tell you all about his $1,000 version.
I’ve come across these personalities many times in my life, and needless to say, it’s incredibly frustrating talking to them. Yet, there are a few tactics I’ve developed for dealing with them and getting out of the situation in one piece. Here they are:
1) Never Try To One Up Them
Instead of trying to one up people who flash their wealth, I usually just say things like, “Wow. That sounds so nice.” “Italy must have been lovely during that time of year.” “How sweet that your wife surprised you with a new car!” If someone who is kind and nice mentions that they love the Caribbean, I might offer up the fact that I actually lived there for 3 years. Yet, if I can tell that someone just wants to flash their wealth and talk about themselves for hours on end, I will listen about their entire trip to Grenada without ever mentioning that I spent years of my life actually living there. It’s taken me a long time to differentiate between the friends who are truly interested in learning about me and the type of people who are just interested in talking about themselves to feel more important.
2) Politely Excuse Yourself
It’s fine to have a conversation with someone like this for a short period of time, but once they start getting on your nerves, you can definitely politely excuse yourself. At least, that’s my rule. :) I usually send those “please rescue me” eyes to my husband, imploring him to come over and save me. You can also say you have to use the restroom if all else fails. Sure, it might seem cowardly, but life is short. You don’t have to waste hours of your life listening to someone who only wants to talk about themselves.
3) Laugh About It Later
It’s easy to feel down about your situation after hearing about someone’s fabulous trips and luxury duds. So, a good way to counteract those feelings is to just laugh at the situation. I usually feel a little sorry for those who try to overcompensate by being flashy with their wealth. There are so many other, more modest ways to talk about your experiences whether you have a lot of money or not.
Hopefully I don’t come across as someone who resents the wealthy, because I definitely don’t. I respect anyone who is simply a good person, and I believe that wanting more money isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What bothers me are those who are flashy about what they have without concern for how it affects others.
I should mention that the tactics above may not work for everyone, but that’s how I typically handle these situations.
If you have other great tips to offer, I’d love to hear them in the comment section below!
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Yeah, flashing wealth can be very annoying. Sometimes you just want to say, “Nobody cares dude!”
GregatClubThrifty Too bad we can’t carry around a “NOBODY CARES!” sign haha.
I usually take the approach of listening politely but not giving much of a response beyond “sounds cool” or something like that. It’s definitely not worth a fight, but it’s also not worth indulging them. Luckily I don’t run into these people too often.
Matt @ Mom and Dad Money I like how you say it’s not worth indulging them either. I need to work on that.
These type of people are very annoying. Usually these people have no money which is what kills me!
SenseofCents Haha you’re not the first to mention that!
Hahaha…You just reminded me of one of my classmates. He would keep talking about how much money he has, how he is going on vacations, when I tell him about a trip I have taken he would be like “bro, i tell I have been to 57 countries.” If anybody commented in class about something he said he had a similar experience especially those regarding money or he has a family member who has or who owns. Just super annoying.
BorrowedCents Oh my goshhh. I could never talk to that person!
I remember one of these people from college. He always had to mention how his parents were funding his college education, that they just gave him a nice $5k check for Christmas, how he lives in a mansion (it is a really nice house though) and basically has everything. He would always try and make himself look better than everyone else, and I think it was mostly due to feelings of inadequacy. Low self-esteem often causes this kind of behavior, so I don’t even listen half the time, nor do I feel bad that I don’t have half of what they do. Money doesn’t always buy happiness. Your tips are great though – I definitely never try to one-up anyone as it’s just a waste.
JourneytoSaving I think you’re right that people who “one up” are in actuality quite self conscious.
In general, I find people that only want to talk about themselves annoying. Relationships are a two way street and it’s nice to be around people who are genuinely interested in what’s happening in my life. On a side note, I heard a joke once that Neil Armstrong has the best “one-up-you” line of all time…”Oh yea, I was the first on the moon!”
Luke_1428 Hahaha Neil Armstrong for the win!
I have a few friends who like to flash their money and it’s never fun to be around them when they do. We all knew that they were rich, they didn’t need to rub it in by constantly talking about it. A lot of times these people do it in order to impress people or get more friends, but most of the time it does the opposite.
CommonCentsWealth Yeah, I don’t know why they think its impressive. I’d be more impressed by a nice accomplishment or a work promotion etc not a new boat.
To me, it usually seems that those who talk about their wealth tend to not be as we’ll off as they would want you to assume. Most really wealthy people I’ve met don’t talk about it and you’d have no idea.
Eyesonthedollar Exactly. It’s the showy people who seem to have something to prove.
Ugh…those people are the worst. I might have my fancy new car, but I’m very careful not to seem showy–it’s a personal choice for me to spend that much money on a car because I LOVE DRIVING, not because I want to show off. I like your tips, and I do a lot of the same when encountering these gems.. :P
The Happy Homeowner Haha I love your car! It’s so pretty!
I definitely do not resent the wealthy either.
I grew up around a combination of people with money. My aunt was the person you described above, and then some.
My godmother was equally as wealthy but very down to earth and other than the nice house they had, you would never know she had money. Flashing it all over just wasn’t her thing, which made her so much fun to be around.
TacklingOurDebt Your godmother sounds like a nice lady!
Those people don’t bother me much anymore, ever since I read “The Millionaire Next Door”. I work with people’s finances and tax issues, and it’s almost always the people driving super-fancy cars, living in huge houses, etc. who don’t have 2 nickels to rub together. Not always, of course, but generally. If you can afford it, more power to you!
rwcpapc Exactly! I love that book btw!
BudgetBlonde rwcpapc Me too. I recommend it to all of my friends and clients when the subject comes up. It definitely changed my worldview!
Nice post!. I actually follow step up everytime :).. Works fantastic and they shut up eventually…
I follow step one I meant!
Naznin I knew what you meant! Glad I’m not the only one! :)
I still remember a conversation in a hostel I was involved in once. I didn’t clue in early enough, until it was an all out competition about something and then I felt bad for participating at all, as it got ridiculous. Not cool, people, not cool.
Ugifter Yeah all out competitions are definitely no fun!
Money flashers, eww! I hate people who are showy about their money. It’s the people with the most money who usually live the most modest lives because they don’t feel compelled to rub their wealth in other people’s faces. I usually just make eye contact with someone else in the room and then run for them.
StudentDebtSurvivor Haha ewwww is right! I love your tactic. I do the same thing with the hubs!
Catherine! There are plenty of asses who exhibit this gauche behavior, so your tips are very handy indeed. If they did not work, I’d suggest a witty insult that they don’t realize until a few moments later or I may suggest that I could better spend their money for them and challenge them a spend off with their own money. Or, as I am given to because of my personality, I may talk about something totally unrelated that is so shockingly tangential that it stuns the blowhard into bewildered silence. For instance, after a virtual tour of a braggarts yacht, I might reply, “Yeah, I like my cheeseburgers with avocado and mustard. And you?”
cjrenzi LOL you’re funny. Please invite me to one of these conversations.
BudgetBlonde cjrenzi Of course, Catherine. Next time I see my uncles and aunts, we’ll Skype. Have a great Thursday and thanks for your reply;)
Ugh those people are so annoying. I had a roommate like that once. Personally now I try to have sympathy for them because I really do think they lack some serious self-esteem that they always have to one-up everyone with their fabulous stories.
I don’t mind people flaunting it, I think they are probably broke or unhappy inside and just want material things to make up for it. It does get annoying so you are right to walk away but since they are only interested in talking about themselves it doesn’t matter if you don’t really listen anyway.
The sales guys in our office constantly come over to the engineering side (where I am) and brag about their lavish vacations… it gets frustrating because I haven’t had a vacation in 2 years!