How to Separate Your Money & Your Emotions

Money is an extremely emotional thing.

That’s a fact that’s sometimes hard to come to terms with.

I’ve wrestled with logic and emotions a lot with many important financial decisions, and in the end, sometimes emotions win out.

You’ve probably been there, too, because it’s completely normal. Sure, money is about numbers, but that doesn’t mean it’s cut and dry.

On the other hand, letting your money control you doesn’t help, either. In some cases, that can cause more harm than good. You want your relationship with money to be healthy, not destructive.

Let’s take a look at a few ways you can learn to separate your money and your emotions.  

Being Jealous of the Success of Others

I’m pretty sure this is one we’re all guilty of, especially if you’re a personal finance blogger, or your friends and family are open about their finances.

It can be hard to focus on your own successes when you see your social media feed filled with amazingly successful people earning six-figures, those who have already achieved early retirement, those who are traveling constantly, and those who just got an awesome new job or promotion.

The bad news is, unless you become a hermit (and why would you?), that’s not going to stop. There will always be people who are “ahead” of you.

However, there are a few things to keep in mind here. One is that people have a very strong tendency to only post good things. So while it might seem like they’re living the life, you have no idea what’s really going on behind all the happy pictures and words.

Second, you should be ignoring it anyway. I scroll through my feeds, and sometimes I’ll stop for a few seconds, but for the most part, I continue on without a second or third thought. I try and take what I see on social media with a grain of salt, and just be happy that my friends are doing well.

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t affect your life. You’re here, they’re there, and that’s that. The best thing you can do is focus on what you need to do to get where you want to go, and do it. Beyond that, recognize your own successes and give yourself credit.

And remember one of my favorite quotes – “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” Especially if you’re just getting started with managing your money! That’s a quick way to get yourself down and feel like all your work is useless. It’s not!

Becoming Emotionally Attached to Investments

One of the most damaging ways to tangle emotions and money is to become personally attached to your investments.

Maybe you put a ton of work into researching a particular investment strategy or stock, or maybe you have a certain affinity for a company and decided to invest in it, or maybe you’re simply afraid to fail, so you hold on for dear life.

Whatever the case may be, you can’t let that stop you from being a rational investor. If you can’t ride the ups and downs of the market without keeping a calm head, you’re putting your portfolio (and future) at risk.

What I mean by that is don’t be so stubborn you lose your life savings. It’s a huge mistake to become that attached to your investments. Not only that, but you’ll probably develop a habit of checking how your stocks are doing a hundred times a day, you’ll be listening more closely to the media, you might be more susceptible to fraud, and you’ll care a bit more than you should.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about caring about your money. But there’s a line that you can cross where it becomes unhealthy, and that goes for general money management as well as investments.

Do yourself a favor and don’t become so emotionally tied up in your portfolio that you feel sick to your stomach every time you think about what could happen. If you need to, hand your assets over to a financial planner. Try robo-advisement. Invest in index funds. Remove yourself from the equation as much as possible.

Wanting to Fit in With Peers and Coworkers

This one is tough, and I know that from personal experience. In my first two jobs out of college, I worked in an office with all girls, and then in another office that actually had a tailor come in to take measurements for the salesmen so they could dress sharper.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there wishing I could be in more comfortable clothes. Fashion isn’t my thing, yet I found myself sticking out like a sore thumb because I was wearing clothes that were 2-3 years old.

My car was also super old compared to all the leased luxury cars sitting pretty in the parking lot.

I was also the odd one out for always bringing lunch with me.

There were many ways in which I didn’t fit in with my coworkers, and I never wanted to make a bad impression. But I didn’t give in.

As easy as that might have been, my job wasn’t in danger for any of it. I still dressed business casual. I had reliable transportation to get me to work. I could eat lunch whenever I wanted instead of waiting for delivery.

Some people thought I was missing out, but sticking to your values is much more rewarding. And after hearing them complain about how much their leases cost, I definitely saw that I was missing out…on having a $500+ car payment.

So if you’re going through this, stick to your guns, and remember that your manager hired you for your skills and work ethic. In most cases, it wasn’t because of your awesome fashion sense or fast car.

Tying Your Self-Worth and Value to Your Income or Net Worth

I find that this often goes with jealousy, especially if you know how much your friends or coworkers earn, or how much their net worth is.

There are some people who think what they make defines them. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s great to aspire to making loads of money. I think quite a few of us do. But no matter how cliche it is, money isn’t everything.

I had to learn this the hard way because I kept tying my financial success to how much money I had in savings. That was unhealthy, to say the least.

How much I have saved isn’t really a reflection of me as a person, other than the fact that it says I value having choices.

It doesn’t matter what number it is (and we’ll talk about debt in a second) – it’s not worth getting hung up on it.

Of course, you should always seek to progress in your career and earn more, but that’s not all life’s about. It’s really about using your money in a way that makes you happy, because if you’re miserable, then what’s it all for anyway?

If you’re hanging around people who tie their self-worth to their money and judge you the same way, stop. Find friends who will look past all of that and realize there’s much more to people than what their paycheck is.

Feeling Lost and Depressed Due to Debt

Similarly, some people feel as though their debt number defines them. I still say no, it doesn’t, even if it feels like you’re drowning under a mountain of balances owed and don’t think you’ll ever climb out.

I don’t think having debt makes anyone less deserving of having a happy life. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others. As long as you own it and learn from it, you’re worthy of forgiveness.

You shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and that includes yourself. While I can’t imagine what it feels like to have a huge amount of debt, I know that I’ve let my student loans trip me up more than once.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to get clear on what you need to do to get out of debt, one step at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself and realize that this is a long process. Having a plan will help you keep your motivation going, and on rough days, give yourself permission to take a break.

Lastly, if it helps, get it all out. Write about your journey, or find someone you can talk to who knows what you’re going through. Debt is a common problem; you’re not alone, and we all need encouragement.

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Separating emotions from money can be a difficult process, and it’s not something you can turn on and off like a light switch. Becoming more aware of when you’re getting too emotionally invested in a situation that has financial undertones can help.
 
Can you recall an instance where you had a hard time separating money from emotions? Did you have any of the same experiences listed above?
 

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