This post is from our regular Wednesday contributor, Erin.
An early Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Today, in light of Black Friday being 2 days away, we’re talking about why making memories beats spending senselessly for the holidays.
I’ll admit that growing up as an only child, I was slightly spoiled. My grandma doted on all of us grandkids, and my parents tried their best to check off every item on my list. I always looked forward to Christmas morning.
Once I became a teen, my interest in Christmas started waning. Not surprising, as I was no longer looking forward to receiving toys!
Now that I’m in my 20s, the reason I look forward to the holidays is because I get to see my family. It’s the few days out of the year we clear our schedules to be together, and that’s something worth treasuring (in my opinion).
I know, I’m one of the lucky ones who happens to have a sane family. There’s never been any drama during the holidays, and I’m very grateful for that.
But you don’t need the picture-perfect extended family, or a crazy amount of gifts, to make this holiday season special. All you need are the people that matter the most to you, and hey, that can include pets, too!
So let’s take a look at 5 reasons to focus on making memories this holiday season, instead of spending senselessly.
1) Gifts Are (Sometimes) Overrated
Be honest – how many times have you received a gift, and it was clear there wasn’t much thought put into it?
I know I have, and I’m not blaming anyone, because I normally don’t want anything for the holidays. Being with family is enough.
However, that’s not an acceptable answer to my relatives, as they feel the need to buy everyone something.
Unfortunately, this somewhat senseless spending leads to a lot of gifts that sit there and gather dust. Or clothing that’s the wrong size. Or a double of something they got you last year (and forgot).
I’m running the risk of sounding like a complainer, so let me try to explain my perspective.
While I greatly appreciate the fact my family wants to spend time shopping for me (and gives me any gifts), I’m often left feeling guilty when those gifts don’t work out.
I personally don’t want to make anyone feel that way, and I think spending on memories, or just focusing on something other than presents, is a great way to avoid that!
2) You Can Make Memories and Give at the Same Time
Back when I was younger and had extra time, my favorite holiday activity was helping my grandma bake.
My grandma knew (despite the enormous effort baking required) that people were relying on her to deliver the goods. Everyone, including myself, looked forward to eating her cookies.
However, endless amounts of baking always left her tired and with a backache.
That’s where I came in. Any time I could help her, I did. We spent hours and hours baking. And you know what? I can bet you anything she appreciated it far more than anything I could have purchased for her. (And I loved getting first dibs on devouring her cookies.)
Throughout the process, we made many memories together. It was time well spent, and I really regret not being able to help her out this season as I won’t be going back home.
3) You Can Spend Consciously on Making Memories
This involves spending, but in a conscious way. I’ve seen a few bloggers say they’re electing to spend on memories instead of traditional presents.
This can be in the form of a vacation, a play, a show, attending a movie marathon, or dining out.
I remember one year, a cousin of mine suggested we all take a trip and chip in to rent a house together for Christmas. It sounded like an awesome idea! Sadly, it didn’t happen, but I think it would have been a nice combination of taking a small vacation together, making memories, and enjoying each other’s company.
For those of you balking at the idea of traveling/taking a vacation, and not being with your family (regardless of your level of love and appreciation for them!), you’re not alone. Originally, I thought this idea sounded a little strange.
But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
The holiday is just a day. It happens to fall on a certain date every year, but that doesn’t mean you’re bound to celebrating it only on that one day.
I actually decided to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family a week early, due to my mom’s hectic work schedule. It worked out better for all of us, as I don’t have to travel Thanksgiving weekend, and my mom doesn’t have to stress.
The date doesn’t matter, the holiday spirit does. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. The holidays are what you make of them, so do whatever brings you joy.
4) Memories Make It Less About Competition
Gift giving shouldn’t be about outdoing each other. It shouldn’t be a competition to see who can spend the most.
I think some people have a habit of going so overboard, all meaning of actually exchanging gifts for the sake of making someone happy goes out the window.
Instead, they make it about who can give the most expensive gift, and those of us who can’t afford fancy gifts end up feeling insignificant.
Let me just say, the numbers don’t matter. Can we all agree to rise above that and give with thought and intention?
Getting to experience something special with someone during the holidays is worth far more than a flashy gift with a $1,000 price tag.
5) Focus on Making the Holidays Memorable
Nothing beats seeing a smile spread across someone’s face because you picked the perfect gift for them, even if it’s a practical gift. Again, who says gifts need to be extravagant?
Last year, I purchased new home phones for my grandma – sounds pretty boring, right?
I think she smiled more when opening that gift than any other. She was so surprised I remembered her complaining about her old phones months earlier, and she was happy to replace them.
My dad once got my mom a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Again, sounds plain, but my mom opened that present and immediately wanted to start cleaning the whole house because she was so excited.
That in and of itself is a great memory to have for both the gift giver and receiver, and I personally love catching those moments on video. Speaking of which, if you film enough memorable moments, you can make a video collage, which can then be given as a present!
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In short, the holidays could use less emphasis on typical consumer spending, and more emphasis on creating memories. Teach your kids and family the importance of gratitude, and show them how fun the holidays can be without a huge pile of presents to unwrap.
What does your holiday budget look like? Are you making an effort to consider making memories over spending? What’s your method of gift giving?
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Photo Credit: Alan Cleaver
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Great thoughts, Erin. My in laws love to give, give, give. My hubs has the same philosophy – he wants me to have 20 presents under the tree to unwrap – no matter if they are all junk ;-) my in laws send me clothes ranging in size from XS to XXL and I feel guilty that I can’t use the items but also – I don’t feel very special. How much thought went into that? I’d rather bake cookies. Go to a play. Take a trip. Great ideas :-)
Totally agree with you, Erin! I’ve been on a crusade to reduce the number of gifts we all exchange with each other and I honestly think I’m making headway! I do love giving everyone in my family some sort of gift, but I’d much rather give them something they need and want. So, we’ve all started doing Amazon wishlists, which I love because now I now I’m buying a gift they’ll appreciate and use (like your grandma’s phones). Thanks for sharing this perspective!
I love number 2! I’m big on creating memories AND giving gifts. I even wrote a post on how to do that today :)
Great post, Erin! I was all into it until you got to that vacuum. I have to say, I’ve been wanting a Roomba for a few years now. I want to watch that little sucker zooming around, keeping my floors spotless, while I put my feet up on the coffee table and root it on! Now I know that isn’t what I was supposed to come away with from your post, and believe me, it isn’t the only thing, but seriously, I really need to get me a Roomba (Dear Santa …)! It’ll probably drive the boys crazy around here because I’ll probably have it running day and night! :P
Happy Thanksgiving, Erin! :)
When I was growing up my mom worked for a big corporate company that always sponsored a breakfast and seeing The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center over the holidays. It’s a memory that’s with me to this day.
I don’t think I’ve ever said the phrase, “Hey, remember that awesome gift you gave me 5 years ago?” But I’m constantly saying, “Remember the time we…..” Yeah, I’ll take memories anyday. :)
Christmas is starting to become stressful for me, but I love the idea about spending time with your grandma baking cookies– our time is really all our grandparents want anyway. It’s probably the best “gift” we could give them.
I could not agree more Erin. It can be so easy to get caught up in the trap of just spending to spend on gifts when much of it doesn’t really hold much in terms of long term value. We prefer the time route and look to give experiences, especially to our kids. Those memories are something no one can take from them.
indebtedmom I hate it when someone gives me clothes anyway, but if they give it in a size larger, I’m insulted. If they give it in a size smaller, It’s going to go to waste because I won’t say so. Why do people give clothes, anyway? I like to pick my own, thank you, I’m not 2 years old. Anyway, best wishes this Christmas, Kirsten. I hope you take pics for us of the goodies they give you this year! :D
I’ll probably spend less than $80 on Christmas. It’s just not a big holiday in my world. Geez with all these posts about Christmas and leaving these comments I feel like I need a whole post to explain myself. :)
I honestly cannot remember many of the gifts I have gotten over the years; however, I remember just about every family memory (the good and the bad) during the holidays and honestly they mean so much more. The gifts are just a distraction from the quality. Happy Thanksgiving to you and DC tomorrow!! I hope you both have a wonderful holiday!!
This is something I feel strongly about, and my wife and I use it against each other all the time! If one of use hesitates to spend money on something, the other will often say “We are spending on creating memories for our children!” How can you turn that down?
blonde_finance Thanks Shannon! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family tomorrow as well!
indebtedmom I do enjoy seeing my family unwrap the presents I’ve gotten them; it’s a huge part of Christmas morning for many families, and it’s difficult to give up. But I agree – it’s much better to have 5 thoughtful/quality presents to unwrap, than 20 random things.
kay ~ lifestylevoices.com indebtedmom I totally agree. I just decluttered my closet, and most of the things that went into the donation pile were previous gifts. I’m a super difficult person to shop for where clothing is concerned, and no one listens when I tell them to stop buying it for me!
Mrs. Frugalwoods I’m glad you’ve made progress! I think moving will naturally cut down on the amount we receive. ;) I personally *love* Amazon wishlists, and that’s what I use to gather ideas for my birthday and Christmas. If only the rest of my family were tech savvy enough to join in on that!
theFinancegirl I saw that! Great post as usual. =) There are so many ways to combine making memories with giving/creating gifts. Another fun one is making ornaments!
kay ~ lifestylevoices.com I kind of want a Roomba just to see if my cats will ride on it. That’s all, though. Probably not the best reason to buy one. =P Dyson vacuums are not cheap, but my mom is still using it to this day, and I think my dad bought it at least 5-6 years ago. Quality, practical gifts are great, and nothing to be ashamed of wanting!
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Kay!
brokeandbeau That sounds wonderful! Holiday plays are great for making memories and including the whole family.
DebtChronicles Exactly, Travis! There are very, very few presents I really remember growing up. It’s not worth trying to spoil children. Have fun with them instead!
Erin @ Journey to Saving kay ~ lifestylevoices.com Hey, Erin! If you ever do that, PLEASE make a cat video of it! :D
Thrifty Peach I’m sorry to hear that, Robin! Christmas was kind of stressful for me last year, but I figure people need to realize the situation we’re in. We can’t spend like everyone else, but we can still give in other ways.
Love the way you put that! I do think grandparents (and parents to some extent) are just happy for our time. It always made my grandma’s day whenever we went over for dinner.
FrugalRules I’m so glad you’re instilling that in your kids, John! I think they’ll be better off for it. I feel guilty at times, thinking about how my parents got me so much, but they were still in debt. There are other ways to bring joy to your family’s holiday celebrations.
Beachbudget Everyone is different, and there’s nothing wrong with not being big on holidays. My fiance rarely ever had a big holiday to-do with family as it was just him, his brother, and his mom. I think he even went to the movies with a friend one year!
blonde_finance So true, Shannon! My family was pretty guilty of making “opening presents after dinner” the highlight of Christmas Eve, but as we all grew older, it became less important. We then had more time to talk and play games. =) Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!
Mark at Bare Budget Guy I love it, Mark! Children usually have so many toys anyway…you know, I got more “things” growing up, but my family rarely went on vacation because we couldn’t afford it. Guess what? I would have preferred going away over receiving so many gifts! We would have had more family memories.
kay ~ lifestylevoices.com Erin @ Journey to Saving There are plenty out there already, how do you think I got the idea? ;) Seriously, go watch them, they’re hilarious.
I am all about making memories instead of buying gifts! Our girls are little, so we can get away with not spending much, haha, but I plan on giving them a fun season to remember rather than just a fun day. We will bake cookies, drive around with hot cocoa looking at lights, visit Santa Claus, go to festive parades, give our time to charity, etc.
For me, growing up it was more about the gifts. My parents always went above and beyond, and while I loved it, I don’t know if we will be able to afford all of that for our girls. I guess we will see when we get there, but either way I will always lean towards memories over stuff!
We are trying to keep the “presents” aspect of Christmas very minimal this year. I love what you say about making memories instead of spending money on stuff. We try to give people experiences as gifts for the holidays. Movie tickets, concert tickets or museum passes are a few ideas that have gone over really well. These things still cost money but I like the idea that they create a memory.
Awesome post, Erin!! The older I get, the more this rings true. The time we spend together laughing and enjoying each other’s company far outweighs what we’ve spent on food or gifts.
I completely agree with this :), I’d personally rather spend time with friends and family without the expectation of having to buy a gift that the other person may not even like or use..
I sometimes even get lazy and use gift cards haha, which are terrible but it’s tough to buy things people actually want
I agree 100%. This year instead of buying gifts for one another. My brother and I went 50% on his plane ticket to spend the holidays with us. This is gift that we will cherish forever, as this is the first time he will be meeting his nephew.
Haha oh my gosh, I definitely have one of the competitive gift givers in my family! I like to start thinking about gifts as soon as I notice something someone wants–no matter what time of year it is. That being said, I do think you are spot on with an experience making a pretty awesome gift!
Sarah Brooks Those all sound like fantastic ideas, Sarah! I think they’ll have a lot of fun with that. =) My parents were big on gifts, too. I was telling my mom yesterday that she really doesn’t need to get me much at all (there’s nothing we particularly need), and she kept insisting I need something to open, as that’s what Christmas is about. I promptly took a stand on that!
BudgetforMore Those are great ideas, Liz! I would like to get my parents some sort of Groupon deal they’d enjoy. I know my mom said she wanted to go horseback riding at some point, but I don’t know that my dad would be up for it!
Laurie TheFrugalFarmer Exactly, Laurie! Same here. As kids, we kind of take family for granted; that they’ll always be there every year at every gathering. Now that I’m older I realize it’s better to be grateful for those experiences and memories.
mycareercrusade I’m one of the “weird” ones that likes receiving gift cards. My fiance’s mom is big on them, and last year she got us a few at a clothing store, and a few for restaurants. I love free meals! =) So I personally don’t think they’re terrible ideas. It’s easier to let people get what they want.
thatfinancechic That’s so nice! Plane tickets are great. I’m suggesting to my family that we all chip in to buy my grandma a ticket to visit us. While that’s slightly selfish, it gets her away from the cold, and she *wants* to visit, so might as well!
bnwilliams500 I try to do that as well because it’s so hard to shop for my family! They buy everything they need when they need it, so if they mention something, I try to get it for them. Focusing on memories can make that slightly easier!
Exactly my point haha! I can see why people think it’s lazy but give me a gift card where I can do what I want with it over something that will collect dust in the closet anyday :)
Thanks for the comment and enjoy those free meals